Flagon the Dragon and Lord Cheese
by Enjoying Insanity
Summary: Just a poem I made up.I must warn you,my poetry bites,and this is more of something to make me laugh more than anything else.Probably an AU.Basically about four hobbits and their bunny slave Ned going to slay Flagon the Dragon.I have to say,it's pretty fu


Ahem, yes, I have cracked. I don't know where this came from, but I started writing this to Elisa over AIM and BAM, you have a poem! Complete with plot! It's senseless, random, humorous, weird, and has Hobbits and Dragons in it. And drinking. But eh, whatever.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Dragon Smaug belongs to the genius JRR Tolkien. So do the race of Hobbits. Lord Cheese, Vlad, Fleez, and Elmack belong to me though. We made them us, yes we dids! And I made up Flagon the Dragon. And Ol' Nave. You no use! And I do believe I made up the term "bunny slave" I do not know what it means yet, but whatever...Oh, and the title is somewhat adopted from "There and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale By Bilbo Baggins." But you already knew that.  
  
Enjoy! And remember folks, this is MEANT to be stupid, ridicules, non- sensical ('nother made up word), and utterly weird. So don't read it if you don't like random humor. Unless you want to make yourself read it. WHY you would make yourself read something is odd, but whatever floats your boat works for me I guess...  
  
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FLAGON THE DRAGON AND LORD CHEESE THE HOBBIT: A Bunny Slave's tale by Ned  
the Bunny Slave  
  
Flames are happy,  
Snakes are snappy,  
And birds are flappy  
In the spring time  
While we sit on our bee-hinds  
Drinking Elvish wine  
With these dandelions so fine.  
I wish I could just hug a colored pencil  
And the hobbits would sit under the tinsel  
Drinking a lot of ale  
And telling a tale  
About a big big dragon name Flagon!  
  
Oh how big that dragon was!  
Every inch of him was covered in fuzz!  
These hobbits battled the dragon, short and grim,  
And nearly got flattened by him,  
All the while singing about chickens.  
Yes, these hobbits were brave.  
There were four of them along with their bunny rabbit slave!  
The first one was named Lord Cheese.  
He was a courageous soul.  
The one who shoved Flagon into a hole.  
The other was named Fleez!  
He coughed and wheezed  
So much that he couldn't fight well.  
The third, he was called Elmack.  
And he drove a flapjack  
Chock full of maple syrup.  
The last of these sturdy souls was a short but stouthearted lad.  
A fine little hobbit, named Vlad  
Along with their bunny rabbit slave.  
Flagon the Dragon they slayed!  
How did they do it?  
It took a lot of strength.  
Strength, and courage, and ashtrays too.  
And though everyone knows ashtrays are new  
They were sturdy creatures.  
And on these creatures the hobbits flew.  
Flew across the Ocean of Poo.  
All the way to Kalamazoo.  
  
Oh, ho, Kalamazoo.  
T'was the place where Flagon the dragon dwelled  
Amid his hoard  
Of steak knives and boards  
Flagon the Dragon reigned in his cave.  
These four brave hobbits and their bunny slave.  
Flew and flew all the way from the Wave.  
  
The Wave, oh it was a terrible sight.  
It was a mass of purple liquid.  
But water it was not,  
For it was made of snot.  
And was entirely too urplish for the liking.  
The four hobbits with their bunny slave fled  
(whose name was Ned).  
All the way to Kalamazoo,  
Because that's where they blew.  
  
Now in Kalamazoo they did great things.  
The villagers were tired of waffles and springs.  
So the hobbits rid their town of all the awful  
Springs and waffles.  
And then they carried on  
To Flagon the Dragon's front lawn.  
Where they shared tea and crumpets  
Before blowing the trumpets  
And marching off to meet Flagon the Dragon's wrath.  
  
Suddenly, two people appeared.  
It was very weird.  
"Who are you?" the hobbits cried.  
For without their names the hobbits wouldn't let the two slide.  
"We are Agent Faith and Agent Ozzy!" they answered.  
And though this was not the reply the hobbits would have preferred  
They left the two weirdos alone  
And began to climb the mountain.  
  
Lo and behold, at the top  
There was a great THWOP  
And Flagon the Dragon touched down on the ground  
Glaring at the intruders he found.  
"What are you doing in my home?" he boomed.  
Over them his giant shadow loomed  
In a menacing figure.  
  
"Oh, please, tell me your names and come hither," Flagon said.  
Lord Cheese boldly raised his head  
And looked Flagon in the eye  
And said, "I want you to die!"  
Flagon laughed his throaty laugh  
And caused the ground to bounce like a raft.  
"You dare speak such words to me, hobbit?" he cried.  
Lord Cheese stood, and though he tried  
He couldn't stop from trembling.  
  
Fleez, seeing his friends disorder,  
Came toward the hobbit, wondering if his feet hair was worth a quarter.  
And he shook Lord Cheese out of his trance  
And he and Vlad promptly began to dance  
Atop Flagon's mighty hoard  
All because they were simply bored.  
  
Lord Cheese however was not easily distracted.  
"Come and fight me, Flagon, you beast, you scum!" he yelled.  
Flagon laughed and trilled  
Diving toward Lord Cheese.  
Elmack instantly started up his flapjack, hoping it wouldn't freeze  
And tried to save his friend.  
  
Sadly, Flagon tossed Elmack away  
Wanting to watch his favorite soap opera before he was old and gray  
And once again charged the hobbit who challenged him.  
Lord Cheese dodged the attack on him, throwing at Flagon a bin.  
It was a magic bin, a bin of Pixie Stix dust  
And as it hit Flagon it did bust.  
Flagon was enraged at the pink specks flying in his eyes  
  
He was mad now  
These hobbits were annoying him, and making him say "ow."  
But Flagon was mostly afraid  
Because he didn't want to die like Smaug and Ol' Nave.  
Those two dragons were his role models, his kin  
And he was sad he would never share with them another bottle of Gin.  
So to avenge Smaug and Ol' Nave and get rid of the hobbits,  
Flagon decided to turn them into blobbits.  
  
Lord Cheese wasn't scared of dying, and he wanted to kill the horrid beast.  
The only thing that kept him going was the thought of the other hobbits  
throwing him a feast.  
It was the only thing Lord Cheese wanted,  
And if he wanted it, he would get it.  
Toward Flagon he went,  
The empty bin over his head like a tent  
To ward off any incoming attacks.  
Now in wariness Flagon was lax,  
Because he was thinking of the past  
Which gave Lord Cheese the upper hand.  
  
With a quick handstand  
The hobbit thrust a sewing needle into Flagon's eyeball  
And all four hobbits and their bunny slave watched the dragon fall.  
Fleez started a mourning speech,  
For even though the dragon was evil  
He was a nice old weevil at times.  
The hobbit concluded with a "Shrooms may love you, Dragon."  
And away from Flagon they went.  
  
Now the four hobbits and their trusty slave bunny Ned  
Went across the Oceans of Poo and off to bed  
To rest from their adventure, which after was said  
To be the stupidest one of them all.  
At least, according to their bunny slave, Ned.  
  
******************  
  
*sigh* Weirdness at it's finest. This is my best poem ever! Really the only poem I've ever actually put an effort into writing, but...whatever. Later, hope you liked the stupidity. Love it, flame it, hate it, hug it, and no, no one can have Ned or anyone else that belongs to me without asking. Cheers!  
  
--Bartholomew, Dark Lord of the Daisy Balloons  
  
a.k.a.  
  
Lobbenschnoffen the Elf  
  
Or just simply...  
  
Katie 


End file.
